Alcoholic, female, introvert

This is an introduction to me. It’s disjointed, a little random, but that in itself should tell you a little about me. At any rate, I’m much better than I used to be.

I think I became an alcoholic because I couldn’t deal with being an introvert.I think men react to their introversion with a lot more self-acceptance. We women have been taught, even if indirectly, to be ‘caring’ and ‘sharing’ so we feel we’re abnormal and angry and messed up when we find ourselves unable to thrive in social interactions. Exploring this topic in much more depth recently, since I got sober, has brought me a lot of relief… I actually drank to cure introversion (a normal temperament) rather than to medicate any disorder (they thought I was bipolar when I was just a garden-variety drunk). I really think introverts need to band together, virtually preferably, to realize they aren’t alone in wanting to be alone.

Of course, I got sober by myself. I should have known, even as I futilely attended meetings, that alcoholics anonymous wouldn’t really work with someone of my temperament, especially with all the chanting and groupthink and blind conformity to tenets. In the end, when I finally quit two years ago at the age of 29, I just grabbed some medication, gritted my teeth and read my way out of the nasty little rut I was in.

Once I got sober, I got married, worked to build back my reputation, got a posh job at a publishing house (still piss poor though!). I also had to learn to navigate the world without my beloved crutch, which brought its own set of challenges. Most people think I’m quite charming and all of that, perhaps a little shy, but they don’t quite know how much trouble I have with things like small talk and smiling. It has almost pushed me back to drinking, I will admit, though I was never really tempted to pick up again. I shall probably talk about all of this as I settle into this blog thing, so hello, my zero readers, nice to not meet you!